Tonight, I wanna forget about me.

1. The meaning behind my URL2. A picture of me3. Why I love my bestfriend4. Last time I cried and...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:34:05 +0000

1. The meaning behind my URL
2. A picture of me
3. Why I love my bestfriend
4. Last time I cried and why
5. Piercings I have
6. Favorite Band
7. Biggest turn off(s)
8. Top 5 (insert subject)
9. Tattoos I want
10. Biggest turn on(s)
11. Age
12. Ideas of a perfect date
13. Life goal(s)
14. Piercings I want
15. Relationship status
16. Favorite movie
17. A fact about my life
18. Phobia
19. Middle name
20. Anything you want to ask

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting..."

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:12:49 +0000

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

- Ernest Hemingway (via simply-quotes)

2-let-it-be-4: I Speak Quotes on @weheartit.com -...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:11:41 +0000

2-let-it-be-4:

I Speak Quotes on @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/SIQvnp

pineapplepuppy said: People change, sadly.

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 22:38:59 +0000

In a week? In fact. it wasn’t even a full week. It was a matter of days.

spent the past 6 months talking, laughing, joking around. Sending cute little messages. now you tell...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 22:30:11 +0000

spent the past 6 months talking, laughing, joking around. Sending cute little messages. now you tell me you don’t care.

now you tell me.

Thanks for that. Two weeks ago you were adorable as hell asking who else I was calling babe. Now you don’t care and I’ve to get over it.

Yeah.

psych-facts: We are all in the gutter, but some of us are...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 23:32:55 +0000

psych-facts:

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde

Photo

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 22:31:46 +0000

So I know I’m never really ever on anymore, but I wanted to share something with you. A lot of...

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 21:05:16 +0000

So I know I’m never really ever on anymore, but I wanted to share something with you.

A lot of you were really supportive of me last year when my cousin lost their baby girl Sofia. Well, yesterday at 1:42am, Michael and Kerrie-Anne welcomed baby Luca-Michael into the world. He’s so beautiful. He was 7lbs 4oz and just the most darling thing. He’ll never replace Sofia, but she’s going to be looking out for him. He’s definitely going to be a trouble maker.

where are you?:(

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 16:38:25 +0000

I’m here, Anon.

I just didn’t think I would be missed. I should be on more frequently from now on :)

so it’s almost 2am and my shitty sleep pattern is even more fucked...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 02:17:46 +0100

so it’s almost 2am and my shitty sleep pattern is even more fucked up.

Tomorrow…technically later today (But I haven’t been to bed yet, so we’re calling it tomorrow.) Anyway, tomorrow is the first of two of the hardest days of the year so far. As some of you know, my grandad passed away last week after an illness. Truth be told I haven’t bothered to deal with the fact yet, or acknowledge that he’s gone and never coming back because if I do that, it means it’s true and I’m not ready for that yet.

I’m really not good with goodbyes at all. In fact i suck at them, because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting. Peter Pan has some of the best quotes. I just. I lost another friend today. not in that sense; he’s very much alive as far as I can tell; but he left just like everyone else did. I’m verging on actually trying to work out what it is about me that people find it so easy to walk away from. I guess I never meant anything to him after all, if he can walk away from me right when I need my friends the most.

I spent time at the hospital, but never actually in the room with my grandad, I couldn’t face it; he looked so poorly when I saw him a few weeks ago and now I’m caught between regretting not going to see him and being okay with it. My mum told me that no-one had called him grandad the whole time he was in the hospital. My cousin always referred to him as “Auld Jimmy”, my brother and I being the only ones who called him grandad. My brother couldn’t go into the room either, so we ended up sitting in the corridor discussing how Spiderman wouldn’t be able to be in Scotland because the buildings were too small to get a proper swing.

Last Monday, my mum came from the hospital and told us to prepare ourselves because chances were my grandad wasn’t going to make it through the night. Twenty minutes later my dad called to tell her my grandad had passed away. A few days ago my mum and I were talking about it and she told me that on Monday night she gave my grandad a kiss on the head and said “right, that’s me away grandad, goodnight. Godbless.” and that was the first time she’d said goodnight to him or called him grandad (kind of like the way parents call each other mum and dad in front of the kids) since my dad had gotten the call from the hospital at 3am on Saturday. She said it was as though he was waiting for my brother and I to come and say goodbye before he let go.

Which is why I’m sort of glad in the sense that we didn’t go and see him because it gave my uncles and my dad the chance to prepare themselves and spend some time with him before he passed away. It gave my cousin time to come home. It sounds silly, reading it back now, but that’s honestly how it feels, if we would have seen him on Saturday and left, he would have passed. I don’t know if any of you are religious or not or even believe in that sort of thing; but I do. Tomorrow his body is going into the church before the funeral on Tuesday and i’m really not ready to let go yet. I’ll be honest.

The thing is though, I’ve put on this brave face for everyone for so long that I literally can’t seem to do anything other than smile when I talk about it. I can’t cry. We were walking the dog when my dad phoned and my mum and brother both cried but I couldn’t, I just kept on walking with the dog as though I hadn’t just been told my Grandad was dead. I’ve barely cried at all over it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m always around people or because I haven’t face up to the fact that he’s gone and he’s never coming back. The only thing that makes the thought of him being gone easier is the fact that he’s with my gran again and he’s happy. I just wish we didn’t have to lose him for that to happen.

On a side note, he had a brain age of 58 and for a man of 77 with parkinsons disease, that’s a damn achievement. I have a lifetime worth of stories and memories to tell my children if I become a mum about their great grandad and their great gran. I’m just sorry they’re not around to meet them.

Photo

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 13:21:01 +0100

I feel sick. Like that sick you feel when you stop being numb and everything becomes real. I’m...

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 12:37:54 +0100

I feel sick. Like that sick you feel when you stop being numb and everything becomes real. I’m literally shaking right now.

Thank you for not even saying goodbye. For making me realise that everything I’ve always thought about me was true. Thank you for leaving just when I needed you most.

Everything else is still surfacing. Still not dealt with everything else yet.

never making the mistake of trusting anyone again. Ever.

Sat, 04 Aug 2012 17:29:48 +0100

never making the mistake of trusting anyone again. Ever.

if someone ever falls in love with me i will literally die of shock

Thu, 02 Aug 2012 21:17:59 +0100

if someone ever falls in love with me i will literally die of shock

I love how when I’m going through a rough patch, my true friends make an appearance. Not the...

Thu, 02 Aug 2012 15:37:23 +0100

I love how when I’m going through a rough patch, my true friends make an appearance. Not the ones who fuck off and leave you to handle everything on your own, but the ones who text and tell you that they know where you live and you’re going out for a coffee with them. The ones who spam you FB inbox with cute youtube videos. The ones who listen when you need to talk. The friends who are going to be driving for half an hour just to come to a 20 minute service for the reception of the body going into the church as a show of support.

I always forget how amazing my friends are and I shouldn’t. I won’t be doing that in a hurry, especially when you meet people who forget you as quick as look at you who “miss you” when you talk every single day but who can completely cut you out of their life with no notice. I can’t be the one there for everyone else all the time and it’s really nice to know I have people in my life I can count on.

this has been a ramble.

Glasgow Uni, you really are a bunch of absolute geniuses. Open registration for an entire uni on...

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 14:43:33 +0100

Glasgow Uni, you really are a bunch of absolute geniuses.

Open registration for an entire uni on the first day; then my “school” decides you have a limit to when you can be enrolled by. The site is crashing left, right and centre.

As if I don’t have enough going on right now. Seriously.

Pretty sure I’m running on empty. It just really sucks to find out you’re not worth it...

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 08:41:15 +0100

Pretty sure I’m running on empty. It just really sucks to find out you’re not worth it right around the time you actually need that person in your life.

Your timing sucks, dude. And i’m pretty sure its because you found someone else. But hey, that’s cool. My flaws and imperfections and I will just chill here and not get any sleep together. That’s great. Yep.

my--mindpalace said: hugs

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 00:42:48 +0100

Thank you.

on a lighter note, I have a coldsore the size of Russia, a wisdom tooth coming through and...

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 00:41:25 +0100

on a lighter note, I have a coldsore the size of Russia, a wisdom tooth coming through and I’ve taken an allergic reaction to something because Hello!Spots D:

Time. When you’re young five minutes feels like hours. When you’re not so young, five...

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 00:36:40 +0100

Time.

When you’re young five minutes feels like hours. When you’re not so young, five minutes isn’t nearly long enough. I feel like time is slipping through my fingers and taking everyone I care about and love with it.

As some of you know, on my birthday this year my grandad was taken into hospital. He had an infection, but there was other things going on. He was eventually released, but was taken back in a few weeks ago. He won’t be coming home. My dad doesn’t want to tell my brother and I, but I was listening into a conversation he had with my mum. He doesn’t want us waiting around because my grandad doesn’t want us at the hospital and really now it’s just a matter of time. He’s in a room of his own and we have 24/7 access.

I thought I’d have more time with him to reconnect. To make more memories that he’s forgotten. To have him tell me stories of Braer Rabbit. To just be my grandad again. I thought he’d be there when I got married. Had kids. Had my first book published. I thought he’d be here to see me graduate at least. But he won’t be. I know it’s better for him because he’s so out of it right now, he’s in so much pain and he’s so sick. I just figured he’d be strong enough to fight this. I figured I’d be strong enough to deal with this.

I don’t have any time left. Not anymore.

Do me a favour? Don’t waste the time with your loved ones; because you never know when it’ll run out.

Tonight, I wanna forget about me.

1. The meaning behind my URL2. A picture of me3. Why I love my bestfriend4. Last time I cried and...

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting..."

2-let-it-be-4: I Speak Quotes on @weheartit.com -...

pineapplepuppy said: People change, sadly.

spent the past 6 months talking, laughing, joking around. Sending cute little messages. now you tell...

psych-facts: We are all in the gutter, but some of us are...

Photo

So I know I’m never really ever on anymore, but I wanted to share something with you. A lot of...

where are you?:(

so it’s almost 2am and my shitty sleep pattern is even more fucked...

Photo

I feel sick. Like that sick you feel when you stop being numb and everything becomes real. I’m...

never making the mistake of trusting anyone again. Ever.

if someone ever falls in love with me i will literally die of shock

I love how when I’m going through a rough patch, my true friends make an appearance. Not the...

Glasgow Uni, you really are a bunch of absolute geniuses. Open registration for an entire uni on...

Pretty sure I’m running on empty. It just really sucks to find out you’re not worth it...

my--mindpalace said: *hugs*

on a lighter note, I have a coldsore the size of Russia, a wisdom tooth coming through and...

Time. When you’re young five minutes feels like hours. When you’re not so young, five...

my--mindpalace said: hugs